Im a fourteen year old girl that gives better advice then anyone has ever given me, and any advice that anyone will give me - i cant function enough to accept it. Im always complaining on how i hate being alone and then yet - i have the biggest, strongest wall built around my heart. It takes a long time for me to let a guy in believe it or not. And i did that. I let him in and i let him take total advantage of the feelings i had for him. I spent hours�a day with him, falling harder and harder for his lies, and tricks. But i cant blame him for our downfall, i really cant. And i never will - i took full responsibility for it, and thats the worst part. I knew from the start that id fuck it up, and i told him i didnapos;t want to get attached and then i told him once i got attached that i was going to fuck up, and he wouldnt believe it. I went through so much shit with him. Fights, breakups, cheating, and almost-love. I knew he couldnt and wouldnt love me. Hes fourteen, hes a guy, and im a fuckedup bipolar bitch. How he standed me for four months is what i dont understand, but im glad i atleast got that. I feel so dramatic sitting here, trying to spill my heart out over the computer in hopes maybe someday youapos;ll find this and read it, but i know you wont, and even if you do - it wont mean anything to you. You moved on while we were still together, and i knew that. Thats all i felt, and thats why i kept fighting to hold onto you. But i pushed you away, and now were at a point that we dont even talk. I hid everything from you after that, on account of the fact that 1). You wouldnapos;t talk to me �2). What i had to hide, would probably hurt you more then it was hurting me. Atleast thatapos;s how i felt. But now looking at it, im thinking now that you recently found out, it hasnt affected you one bit. And maybe thats not a bad thing. Maybe your doing the right thing, and maybe im just making it so much harder for myself for writing this bullshit. But what can i do? im fourteen, ive been through something drastic, and i just miss you like hell - and the only thought i have of you left, is the thought of you never coming back. Its horrible, really. I screwed up everything, but you were the first mistake that iapos;ll never regret.
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